sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
