Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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