I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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