trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
