do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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