loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
