just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
