Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
