i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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