Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
