oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
