for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
