I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
