eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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