I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
