Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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