a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
