from now on my penis is your penis
i think my mom watched the whole time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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