I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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