No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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