Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
