totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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