Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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