This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
