i think i have two assholes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
