The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
