I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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