Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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