she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
