Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
