Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
