i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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