Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
