Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
