if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
