If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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