i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
