i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
