Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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