I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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