so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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