I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
