I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
