Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
