her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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