Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Semen is not good for contacts.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
