next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
