There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
