let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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