this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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